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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24866776">sometimes i miss you (and it hurts like hell)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/geoarchons/pseuds/geoarchons'>geoarchons</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coming out (kind of), Fluff, Kanji’s a good friend, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Internalized Homophobia, Post P4G, Souyo Week 2020, Yosuke POV Yosuke feelings, Yosuke just has a lot of emotions, happy birthday yosuke ily !!, mostly - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:14:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,315</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24866776</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/geoarchons/pseuds/geoarchons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji leaves. Yosuke doesn’t realize how bad he’s going to miss Souji until he’s gone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Hanamura Yosuke/Persona 4 Protagonist, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>145</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sometimes i miss you (and it hurts like hell)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was April 9th, 2012.</p><p>When Souji left, Yosuke didn't know what to do with himself. </p><p>He knew that Souji would have to leave - hell, Yosuke knew that from the day he met him. He was completely ready for Souji to brush him off and never speak to him again (everyone else did, anyway) but as it turns out, accidentally falling into a TV and solving an entire murder case changes people. Yosuke had learned to actually trust in people again, and the feeling of having a group of friends that you knew had your back was definitely freeing. "Friendship" wasn't hanging out some days and talking shit behind their back the next, it was always being there no matter what, willing to help out at a moment's notice...</p><p>It was nice, to say the least.</p><p>He really was grateful for all of the Investigation Team, but to say Souji most of all would be a massive understatement. Souji'd saved Yosuke's ass more times than he could count, whether in the classroom or in battle, helped him come to terms with Saki's death, and even talked him out of murder. Souji just rolled into their little podunk town and literally changed Yosuke's life, and he honestly couldn't be happier. </p><p>But then he left, and the hole he left in Yosuke's everyday life was noticeable.</p><p>Ebihara sat in his seat now, and never offered him answers when he wasn't paying attention (something he severely took for granted now), or never as much glanced at him. </p><p>When Junes was running low on staff, he found himself nearly dialing Souji off of muscle-memory and instead had to call Chie, who whirled complaint after complaint in his ear before begrudgingly helping out after he bribed her with the promise of food. </p><p>Suddenly, meeting up wasn't as easy as walking down the Samegawa anymore. He couldn't call up Souji for a late-night cram session over midterms and - fuck, he really didn't want to think about exams right now. Studying was going to be so much harder without Souji around, and with entrance exams coming up, Yosuke was going to have to wish for a miracle to get scores high enough to follow Souji into college. </p><p>
  <i>"So, partner, any plans after high school?"  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Souji drew himself away from his textbook, looking up at Yosuke, who had long-abandoned his. "... Not really. College, most likely, one in the city. It's what my parents want," he says, and if his voice is slightly strained at the end, Yosuke doesn't mention it. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Yosuke slumped down further, resting his head against his arm. "Yeah, that's about what I'd expected. I probably don't even have a chance of getting into whatever you're planning on." </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Souji gave him a look, and Yosuke shifted uneasily, like he'd done something to upset Souji. "Yosuke, don't say things like that. You're smarter than you think." When Yosuke frowned at him, he continued. "Seriously. You just have to put your mind to it." </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"C'mon, partner, y'know--"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"I know that you can do this. Plus," Souji paused, seemingly (surprisingly) unsure of himself. "If you get accepted somewhere in the city, we can always rent an apartment together. As long as I'm with you, I don't mind." </i>
</p><p>
  <i>There was a moment where Yosuke stopped to take in what his partner just said. Judging from the look on Souji's now very-red face and how quickly he moves to avoid Yosuke's gaze, he must be just as surprised as Yosuke. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Uh... alright, partner," Yosuke said with a nervous laugh. "But seriously, you still gotta help me study! Everything makes like, ten times more sense when you explain it." </i>
</p><p>
  <i>The tension seemed to drain out of Souji at that, because his slight frown curled upwards into a soft smile. "Of course."</i>
</p><p>Yosuke blinked himself back into reality with a wistful pang in his chest.</p><p>In his wandering he'd ended up at the floodplain, probably the most emotionally-charged place for him this year. </p><p>He settles down on the grass, and all at once, everything hits him. </p><p>Souji was gone. Like, really, really <i>gone</i>. And that fucking <i>sucked</i>. Yosuke should've figured it would suck, when he got watery-eyed on the train platform, but now that he was alone on the riverbank… </p><p>He starts scrubbing at his eyes, willing them not to tear up. He shouldn't - he shouldn't miss a guy <i>this much</i>, but then again, Souji wasn't just any guy, was he? He wasn't like any of his city friends, not at all. Souji had wormed his way into Yosuke’s heart the day he saw Yosuke’s shadow and didn’t even bat an eye. </p><p>And now that Souji was gone, Yosuke realized how much he wanted him to stay by his side. He had a taste of true friendship now, and he never wanted to let it go. </p><p>But, the city meant new … everything. New school, new people - what if Souji replaced him? What if Souji found new friends, got a girlfriend —</p><p>Yosuke cut off that train of thought before it could devolve any further. He hated being stuck inside his head like this, spiraling further and further until he’d lost sight of who he was. Usually Souji was there to help and patiently sort out his thoughts, but … </p><p>It wasn’t any of Yosuke’s business if Souji was making new friends. It wasn’t his place to stop him, as much as he’d wanted Souji’s attention to himself (and the thought of that terrified him to his core.)</p><p>Shit, he <i>hated</i> this. Every day since he’d left, Yosuke’s brain had been all Souji, all the time. And he hated how that made him feel, hated what it could mean about him. It made him feel like even more of a burden. Like a spurned lover. But without the lover part.</p><p>(Okay, well, maybe with the lover part. He didn’t want to manifest another Shadow, even if the TV World was gone.)</p><p>Things would be different from now on. He couldn't keep relying on Souji for everything anymore - they were partners, after all. Equals. Yosuke could do things on his own, couldn't he? The least he could do was study on his own and work on getting his grades up. Even if it all connected back to Souji in the end, even if he was still a lost puppy chasing the first person who had shown him real kindness.</p><p>He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check his work schedule. Seems like he'd be off the next few days, so... </p><p>—</p><p>It was May 14th, 2012.</p><p>Turns out with no Souji to hang out with and no murder to investigate, Yosuke's schedule was a lot more open. </p><p>If Yosuke wasn't working, he went straight home to study. Every afternoon, without fail. </p><p>Sure, he hung out with the others that still stayed in town sometimes - Chie, Yukiko, Kanji, and Teddie, but Souji was like the glue keeping them all together, and with everyone going their different ways, it was hard to get together. </p><p>Souji had made plans to come down for Golden Week, but they'd ended up falling through, which soured Yosuke's mood more than he even thought possible. </p><p>
  <i>"I'm really sorry," Souji said, his voice crackling through the phone. "I know you all were looking forward to it."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Yosuke ran a hand through his hair, shifting to lay down in his bed. It was almost 11 o'clock in the evening when Souji had called him up all of a sudden, and Yosuke was still bleary from sleeplessness.  "No, partner, it's - it's fine. It's not a problem. You get busy sometimes. That's fine." </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Damn, he sounded bitter. Yosuke winced, and opened his mouth to clarify when Yu started talking again.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"You sound upset," he says, like Yosuke could ever truly be upset with him. "I'm sorry, I tried to clear my schedule, but -" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Yosuke could practically hear the frown in his partner's voice, and he hated it. "Souji," he says, and Souji immediately stopped talking. Yosuke let out a little breathy laugh at that. "It's okay. Really. I'm not mad at you. Yeah, I'm sad I don't get you see you for a little while longer, but ... it's okay." </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Souji's quiet for a moment. "Sorry," he finally adds, and Yosuke can't help but actually laugh now. He manages to cut himself off before he bordered into "obnoxious and rude" territory, but man. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"You need to stop doing that." </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Stop doing what?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"The whole apologizing thing," Yosuke says, gesturing vaguely with his free hand as if Souji could actually see him. "I already told you it's alright." </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Sorry," Souji repeats, but Yosuke could hear the mirth in his voice. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Dumbass," Yosuke says, but he's grinning anyway. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Souji's chuckling now, a low, rumbling sound that's like music to Yosuke's ears, his grin growing wider.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The line fades into a comfortable quiet. Souji's the one to break it again. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Yosuke,” Souji says, again, voice frustrated. Before Yosuke can get another word in, Souji continues. “Yosuke, Yosuke, c’mon —“</i>
</p><p>“—suke! Snap out of it already!” </p><p>When Yosuke came to, he was face to face with Chie, and incredibly confused. He refocuses his eyes on her, and damn did she look upset. He tries to give her a reassuring smile, but he’s sure it just affirms his guilt even more. She groans in frustration at that.</p><p>“What’s the matter with you? I was trying to track you down and I just saw you spacing out in the middle of the hallway! And when I tried to get your attention, you weren’t responding, and —“</p><p>“Chie—“</p><p>“I was really about to slap you—“</p><p>“Chie!”</p><p>She stops abruptly, opens her mouth to start talking again, then just shakes her head.</p><p>“Sorry about spacing out on you, I guess. I’m not really sure what happened... but you have my attention now!” he says with a practiced cheeriness. “So what’s up?”</p><p>Chie just rolls her eyes. “Whatever. I just wanted to know if you wanted to come hang out with us! I already invited Yukiko, and I think Kanji is coming too. So how about it?”</p><p>He sighed, relieved that it was nothing terribly important. "Sure, but we have midterms next week, and I should probably get home to study if I want to..." <i>catch up to Souji</i> was left unsaid as he trailed off. </p><p>"Yosuke, you've really changed, y'know that?" she frowned at him, a hand moving to rest on her hip as she looks at him almost appraisingly. "Before you couldn't care less about exams or your grades. Now all you do is go to work or study unless someone drags you out! I mean, it's a good thing, I guess, but... I dunno. I just think you need to give yourself a break. Hell, you just — whatever that was!" </p><p><i>That's because I have to</i>, Yosuke thought bitterly. <i>I study and I study and it feels like nothing changes.</i></p><p>He groaned, shaking his head to clear his embittered thoughts.</p><p>Yosuke tugged at his headphone cords as he fumbled for a proper response. It was honestly surprising that Chie had picked up on something like that, and cared enough to bring it up to him - if this was last year, he probably would've teased her about it, but he finds the weight of her words and the all-nighters he'd been pulling weighing down on him, and he's too tired to protest. </p><p>"I just..." he mumbled, frustrated with himself more than anything, "with Souji gone, I realized I had to start doing things on my own for once." </p><p>Chie seemed to soften at that, clearly sympathetic. "Yeah, I get that. I think we're all feeling that right now. But we're all still here for you, Yosuke. So, c'mon, a little break won't hurt!" </p><p>Yosuke found himself smiling despite himself at Chie's words. Maybe they'd both changed. "Alright, alright. Sure, why not?"</p><p>—</p><p>It was late in the evening by the time they’d all dispersed. Yosuke was grateful for the outing, honestly - Chie hadn’t been lying earlier when she said all he did was work or study, so a break was sorely needed. But hanging out with them again made him realize something. </p><p>They were all moving forward in their own way. Yukiko had started seriously training to take over the inn - you could tell by the way she carried herself now, more mature and graceful than before. She’d even started putting her long hair into a bun. Yosuke had to stop himself from commenting on it. </p><p>Chie had changed, too. She’d let her hair grow out longer, brushing at her shoulders, and she had started training to join the police after high school, and Yosuke couldn’t say he was surprised at all with her career choice. </p><p>Kanji surprised him the most - he’d started letting his natural hair color return on top of combing it down, a far cry from his whole delinquent schtick. It made him look way past his years, and Yosuke wasn’t sure how he felt about that.</p><p>As for himself, well... </p><p>Yosuke stopped, really stopped to examine himself in the mirror. </p><p>
  <i>"Yosuke, you've really changed, y'know that?"</i>
</p><p>He sighed, low and heavy. It sure as hell didn't feel like it. All he saw was the same old Yosuke staring right back at him, just more worn out around the edges. Compared to everyone else, he felt inadequate. He didn’t have any real plans after high school, just some nebulous idea of college with a high chance of failure. Here he was, back to chasing his own goddamn tail in the absence of Souji. </p><p>On top of that, he’d been struggling with how he felt about his partner. Those were dangerous waters to tread, and Yosuke had long been drowning. He could always be confusing his feelings of adoration and respect towards his first true friend as some contrived version of … <i>love.</i> But then again, he could also be so far in denial that he’s trying to explain away his actual feelings of love by calling it respect and thinking that hard made Yosuke’s head hurt, so he’d decided that was enough of that. </p><p>Everything linked back to him, didn’t it? Souji was the reason Yosuke was considering college in the first place. If not for him, Yosuke would probably keep working at Junes and climbing the corporate ladder for the rest of his days, which now seems like a fate worse than death.</p><p>And, now that he was thinking about it, he was kind of sick of it. Sick of everything, but sick of himself, mostly. </p><p>He reached up to tug at the hair on the back of his neck, watching himself in the mirror as he did so. It was getting too long. </p><p>Maybe he'd cut it. Shorter. A real, tangible change that he could see, and cut off pieces of the old Yosuke in the process. He runs his hand along the back of his neck in thought - yeah... Yeah, that could work. </p><p>He recalls Kanji making a casual comment on cutting his own hair - it made sense, he worked with scissors and stuff for sewing, right? Plus, cutting hair and sewing both required precision, so … close enough. </p><p>(Plus, it gave him a chance for a long-overdue talk.)</p><p>Yosuke fishes around in his pockets for his phone, pulling it out and tabbing down to <i>Tatsumi, Kanji.</i> The phone rang twice before Kanji answered with a curious “Hello? What’s up, senpai? Did’ja forget your wallet?”</p><p>Yosuke immediately clammed up. This “talk” might be harder than he thought, if he couldn’t even talk on the <i>phone</i>.</p><p>“Uh… hey, Kanji. No, nothing like that. I wanted to ask if … well, I don’t know if you do or not, but—“</p><p>“Come on, I ain’t got all day. Get to the point already.”</p><p>“Can you cut my hair?!”</p><p>The line goes silent, and Yosuke can already feel the embarrassment crawling up his neck. </p><p>“... Uh, okay? I can do that. I’m free tomorrow, if ya wanna meet me at the textile shop.”</p><p>Yosuke pulled himself back together, idly passing the phone from ear to ear. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. Um. Thank you.” </p><p>Kanji scoffed at him. “S’no problem! What, ya wanna shave your head or somethin’?” </p><p><i>That</i> was a mental image he never wanted to think of again, and it sent Yosuke spluttering indignantly. Kanji was laughing all the while. “I’m just messin’ with you, Yosuke-senpai. Don’t worry, I got you.”</p><p>“Whatever. Jerk.”</p><p>“Hey, now. You know they say to never piss off your barber, ‘cause—“</p><p>“Alright, alright, I get it! Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”</p><p>“Sure thing. See ya.”</p><p>After Kanji hung up, Yosuke was left just… staring at his phone. At least that had gone well. As for tomorrow, though … he’d have to wait and see.</p><p>—</p><p>It was May 15th, 2012. </p><p>Yosuke was standing outside Tatsumi Textiles, scared out of his mind. </p><p>He knew he really shouldn’t be, considering he and Kanji were <i>teammates</i> and literally beat the shit out of gods together, but that was… different. </p><p>For some reason, saving the world was easier than owning up to his past mistakes. </p><p>He shifted his weight from foot to foot, fidgeting and weighing his options - he could just bolt now, but it’d be better to go ahead and rip off the bandaid. Reluctantly, Yosuke raised his hand to knock a few times and … waited.</p><p>A moment later, there was a “Hold on!” and the sound of something crashing (like a tower of boxes toppling over, specifically, something Yosuke was familiar with) before Kanji slid the door open, panting. </p><p>“Sorry. Just got a delivery n’ had to sort that out with my ma. Come on in, senpai.” </p><p>Yosuke ducked his head in embarrassment as he walked in, looking around the textile shop. “Uh, where did you want to do this?”</p><p>“Huh? Oh, the back should be fine. Go ahead and pull up a chair or somethin’ while I grab the stuff,” Kanji shouts from the other side of the shop, rummaging through storage. </p><p>“Sounds good,” he replies, making his way to the back room. It took him a moment to find a suitable chair - loathe as Yosuke was to admit it, Kanji was tall as hell, actually, so it’d probably be better for Yosuke to be seated higher up. </p><p>After a few minutes, Kanji appears in the doorway with a box that he sets down on a nearby rolling cart. He pulls out some fabric that he drapes around Yosuke’s neck, and immediately sets to work. “How did you want your hair cut?”</p><p>“Could you trim the hair in the back? Like, closer to my neck.” Yosuke moves a hand back to gesture at the intended area. “Shorter.”</p><p>Kanji grunts in agreement, and the room falls into silence again.</p><p>The whole time, Yosuke’s fidgeting nervously. He had, admittedly, come here with “ulterior” motives - mostly intending to apologize, but also solicit advice from the person he’d figured would be the most knowledgeable. It was just… really hard working up the courage to actually say something. </p><p>“Yosuke-senpai,” Kanji speaks up, voice stern, and Yosuke is sitting straight immediately. “I can’t work if you keep moving around like that.”</p><p>“Oh, uh—sorry,” he stammers, willing himself to stay still, trying to focus on the steady <i>snip-snip-snip</i> of Kanji’s scissors. </p><p>It’s only a few minutes before Kanji’s got his hands on Yosuke’s shoulders, holding him still. “Is something up, Yosuke-senpai? You’re usually not this…” he gestures in the air with his hand holding the scissors, and Yosuke has to dodge out of the way. “Quiet. Or fidgety. Well, you’re usually fidgety, but this is different.” </p><p>Yosuke groans, and part of his brain was screaming at him to just laugh it off, but he knew he had to say something about it eventually. “Actually… yeah, I’d like to talk to you about something.”</p><p>“Uh, sure. What’s up?”</p><p>Yosuke inhales, then exhales, then inhales and exhales again. “I’m— ugh. Shit.” He’d cover his face with his hands right now, but they were currently trapped under the fabric cape. There goes one escape route. “I’m sorry I was such an asshat to you about your — no, just in general. I was a douchebag. I’m sorry.”</p><p>He’d expected Kanji to beat the shit out of him or something, or at least take a moment to consider his response, but he doesn’t miss a beat when he says “Oh, that? S’fine.”</p><p>Yosuke’s left gawking. “Really?! That’s it? You’re not, like, mad at me or anything?”</p><p>Now Kanji takes a second to think. “Well, yeah, I was mad about it at first, but I’unno,” and he’s back to cutting Yosuke’s hair, punctuating his words with each <i>snip</i>, “I figured it wouldn’t help anything if I blew up at you, especially with the case. Didn’t wanna put a strain on the team.”</p><p>“Wow, that’s … really mature of you, Kanji,” Yosuke says with a sort of awe.</p><p>“Well, one of us has to be the mature one.”</p><p>“Hey, I—! No, yeah, that’s … yeah.”</p><p>“But seriously, I’m just glad you finally manned up and apologized. I’m not gonna lie, senpai, I wasn’t expecting this from you any time soon.”</p><p>Yosuke couldn’t even argue with that, either. Kanji was completely right, but hey, things change. </p><p><i>Manned up</i>, though, huh? </p><p>“It kinda started when I saw your Shadow. I was scared of it, honestly.” Kanji’s scissors stilled for a moment, then resumed cutting. Yosuke barreled on regardless. “I didn’t want to be like that. I just had this view of all gay guys being weird and predatory and man, I don’t know. And I didn’t want that label on me on top of everything else I already have to deal with. People hate me enough as it is.” Yosuke smiled pathetically. “I was scared of what it meant about me.”</p><p>“You know I already said I forgive you, right? Y’didn’t need to pull an explanation out,” Kanji teased, “but I’m kinda glad you did anyway. I can’t really say I blame you for any of that. Well, you could’ve stood to be less of a dick, but, y’know.”</p><p>“Yeah, well. Thank you for that, Kanji.” </p><p>“No problem. Just one thing, though. Did you just, uh, come out to me?”</p><p>Yosuke went bright red at that. “I, uh— I mean—“ Shit, damn him and his stupid big mouth! He hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that! Kanji seemed to pick up on his reaction, though, because he started talking again. </p><p>“Not that I mind or anything! I won’t say anything about it, ‘cause I get how these things are. You shouldn’t be afraid of it, though — I mean, I know it’s a scary thing, but really, it’s fine. Y’don’t gotta suddenly change everything about yourself. If you like dudes, you like dudes, and that’s cool.”</p><p>If Yosuke wasn’t practically bound to the chair, he probably would’ve launched himself to the other side of the room already. This haircut idea was turning out to be the best and worst thing for his nerves. If he freaked out, he’d probably end up with a fucked up haircut, and that would absolutely be the worst. So he gives himself a moment to calm down and still his nerves, before working himself up to talk again.</p><p>“... Right. Yeah, if you could keep this on the down-low for a little bit, I’d appreciate that. Thanks. And I’ll keep that in mind.”</p><p>“C’mon, quit thanking me so much. It’s weird. We’re friends, right? It ain’t like you’re paying me to deal with you.”</p><p><i>I feel like I might as well be</i>, Yosuke thinks with a frown, but the sentiment is understood nonetheless. “Alright, alright.”</p><p>“I’m done, by the way,” Kanji adds, and Yosuke’s genuinely surprised. He hadn’t even registered half of what Kanji was doing. “Y’know, you’re better at keeping still when you’re distracted with something else.” Yosuke just grumbled at that. He couldn’t even find it in him to be upset. </p><p>Kanji turns him towards the mirror. “Take a look.”</p><p>Not surprisingly, Kanji had done a pretty good job. It wasn’t professional quality, but it was exactly what Yosuke had asked for, and nothing more. </p><p>He found himself grinning at the mirror. Damn, he actually looked kind of good like this. It’d take a bit of getting used to, but it was good. “Looks great, Kanji. I owe you.”</p><p>“No problem, Yosuke-senpai! An’ I told you this ain’t a business transaction or anythin’.” </p><p>“Still, dude, I owe you.” </p><p>Kanji just <i>hmphs</i> at that and steers him towards the door. </p><p>“Well, it was good seeing you,” Yosuke says as he steps into his sneakers by the entrance. </p><p>“Hell yeah. Go get ‘em, man. Or should I say ‘Go get Souji-senpai’?” Kanji gives him a hearty slap on the back, a knowing glint in his eye. </p><p>“How did you—?!” Yosuke’s stammering again, and he’s sure he's an even brighter red this time. </p><p>“Call it a lucky guess. You guys aren’t exactly subtle.”</p><p>“Wait, Kanji — what do you mean <i>you guys?!</i>” </p><p>“Nothin’. See ya later, Yosuke-senpai.”</p><p>With that, Kanji all-but shoved him out the entrance, shutting the door in his face.</p><p>And for some reason, Yosuke feels like he’s leaving with more questions than answers.</p><p>—</p><p>It was June 21st, 2012.</p><p>Yosuke checked the time, reading <i>8:42pm</i>. Well, maybe he’d be able to get an hour or two of studying in before going to sleep. Work was exhausting today, even more than usual - it seemed like people still had it in their head that he was the face of everything wrong with Junes, so half the time he acted as the complaints department. He’d be lucky if any of the study material stuck today.</p><p>The studying seemed to be paying off, though - he'd actually done considerably better on his last set of exams, so much so that he got pulled aside because they thought he had cheated. It didn't feel as insulting as it probably should've, either. It was motivating, actually, to know that he'd been making progress, but he was starting to burn himself out, and summer couldn't come any sooner. </p><p>He’d lucked out on getting tomorrow off, since it was his birthday - it’s not like he had anything planned (he never did) but he figured it was time for another break, and having the day to himself sounded nice enough. </p><p>After turning on some music, he settled down for another study session, poring over his history textbook. </p><p>By minute ten, all of the words were starting to blend together, and by minute thirty, he was fast asleep at his desk. </p><p>-</p><p>He woke up abruptly to loud knocking. What the hell, was somebody at his door at - <i>11:50pm</i>, shit, at night? Wait, that wasn’t coming from downstairs, it was more like behind him—</p><p>The absolute last fucking thing Yosuke expected to see was somebody outside his window, and doubly so that person being Souji Seta. Yosuke practically hit the ceiling in fright.</p><p>After Yosuke took a moment to calm his breathing, he moved over cautiously to the window, a million questions racing through his mind, most notably <i>What the fuck?</i></p><p>And all the while, Souji just sat there - a little guilty for scaring Yosuke, but mostly smugly content and glimmering in the moonlight. At this angle, the moonlight hit his hair just so that it made it glow like spun silver, and he took on this overall … ethereal quality. He might as well be otherworldly, because Yosuke still wasn’t convinced that he wasn’t dreaming right at this very moment. </p><p>Yosuke clicked open the window, motioning frantically for Souji to come inside. He waited for Souji to sit down before launching into his tirade.</p><p>“<i>Dude</i>, what the hell are you doing here?! It’s almost <i>midnight,</i> and not to mention how the hell did you manage to get over here in the first place?! And my <i>roof? Really?!”</i> he whispers harshly, because if he woke his parents up and they saw Souji...</p><p>Souji, who just sat there and blinked at him. “I just wanted to see you,” he says simply, like that explained everything. </p><p>“You—“ damnit, was Yosuke actually blushing at that? Yosuke drags his hands down his face, exasperated and wildly out of his element. </p><p>“Almost midnight, though? Does that mean it isn't midnight?” Souji eyed the window, and Yosuke was even more confused. </p><p>“Uh, well, it's … 11:53. Wait, why does that even matter?!”</p><p>Souji just managed to look even more guilty. “I… wanted to surprise you for your birthday. But now I realize I forgot to bring a present, too.” </p><p>Considering that Souji’s presence was probably the best (and worst, currently) gift he could ever ask for, Yosuke found that he didn't mind all too much. But he sure as hell couldn't say that to Souji’s face, not without launching himself out of the window immediately afterwards, so he settles for a long, drawn-out “Uuuuuughhh.” </p><p>“Are you upset? I knew I should've asked you first. I'm sorry, I can leave...” Souji stood and started walking towards the window, presumably to climb out again, and there was no way Yosuke was letting that happen. </p><p>“Partner, wait—!” Yosuke reached out to grab Souji’s hand before he managed to make any more dumb, impulsive decisions for the night. Souji’s gaze snapped back to his, expression between confusion and … something else he couldn’t quite place.</p><p>He expected Souji to try and at least resist a little bit, but instead, Souji just… stared. </p><p>"Your hair," Souji said, breathless. </p><p>"Ah, uh, yeah," Yosuke replied intelligently, his other hand wandering up to scratch at his exposed neck. "Kanji cut it, actually. I ... wanted a change." </p><p>Souji just smiled warmly at him, a twinkle in his eye. "I think it looks good." </p><p>Yosuke blushed at that, averting his gaze to hide his reddened face. It was so stupid, what Souji did to him with just a few words. </p><p>“Uh. Thanks,” he responded quietly, before remembering the situation they were in and immediately flaring back up. “Wait, no, that’s not the point! Stop trying to distract me, jerk!” Yosuke tugged on Souji’s hand, pulling the other away from the window. </p><p>Souji still looked hesitant, but relented, sitting back down on the edge of Yosuke’s bed. He seemed almost demure, the way he was sitting, hands folded politely and gaze pointed downwards.</p><p>Yosuke leaned against the wall, unsure where to start dissecting this mess. His best friend practically snuck into his house. Without warning! And they had school tomorrow!</p><p>“So… here we are. Do your parents know you’re here?” Yosuke asked. </p><p>“No,” Souji replied, “they don’t. But they’re not even home right now, so it doesn’t matter.” </p><p>“Well, okay, but don’t you have school tomorrow?” </p><p>Souji didn’t reply to that, just scratched at the back of his neck. </p><p>“Ugh. Partnerrr. You’re supposed to be the responsible one.” </p><p>“I like being irresponsible every once in a while.” Souji’s mouth quirked into a grin. </p><p>“Yeah, but — okay, whatever. You’re already here. It’d be a real dick move of me to tell you to go home right now, so... Wait, one more thing. How did you even know it was my birthday? I don’t remember telling you…” Yosuke trailed off, eyeing Souji suspiciously. He knew his partner was well-intentioned, but…</p><p>“Oh! Your e-mail. It ends in <i>0622</i>, so I figured that was your birthday. I wanted to celebrate it last year, but we were so caught up with the case, so I never got the chance.” Souji answered, though he seemed to wilt under Yosuke’s scrutiny. But really, leave it to Souji to be more upset about missing Yosuke’s birthday than Yosuke himself. “Um. I guess that’s kind of weird. Sorry.”</p><p>“Eh, you’re always kind of weird, partner. Can’t say I mind too much, though,” Yosuke adds as he goes to sit next to Souji. He rests his head on his arm and just … looks at him for a bit. His hair’s gotten a bit longer in the back. Jaw line’s a little more defined. </p><p>“You’re staring.” Souji says, but there’s a flush high on his cheeks that tells Yosuke he might not have minded all too much. </p><p>Yosuke pointedly looked away, mumbling “Guess I was.” </p><p>Souji laughs at that. It’s deeper than it used to be.</p><p>“It’s alright. I like having your attention on me.” </p><p>Yosuke felt like his face was burning, and he was so overwhelmed with emotion that he couldn’t even form a coherent sentence, resigned to just gawking at Souji and croaking out a “Really…?”</p><p>Souji laughs again, full of mirth and everything warm. It was music to Yosuke’s ears. “Of course, Yosuke. There’s a reason I didn’t tell anybody I was coming.”</p><p>“You— shit, man,” Yosuke’s scrubbing at his eyes, voice hoarse with emotion. “You can’t just … <i>say</i> things like that, dude, you’re gonna make me think… ugh, I don’t know.” </p><p>Souji just tilts his head, smiling all the while. “I wanted to get some time for just the two of us. I missed you … partner.” </p><p>And just like that, everything shattered. Everything he’d been bottling up and pushing aside, every emotion that he smothered for the past few months because <i>now wasn’t the time, damnit</i>, broke free. Here he was, sobbing on his fucking birthday just because his best friend was being nice to him. What an absolute wreck he was. He had it so, <i>so</i> bad. </p><p>Souji hesitated a moment, suddenly uncharacteristically nervous, considering all the bold lines he had just pulled out. Slowly, he wrapped an arm around Yosuke, and then another, pulling him tight into an embrace. Yosuke just sobbed harder, his hands grabbing for purchase in Souji’s shirt as Souji rubbed soothing circles into his back, resting his chin on top of Yosuke’s head. </p><p>“I — I missed you so fucking bad, par—<i>Souji</i>. When you left, I didn’t know — I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore,” Yosuke choked out through sobs. “I know it’s only been what — two months? — but I hated feeling like a burden. Like I couldn’t do anything without you. Not even sort through my own dumb, stupid feelings. It fucking <i>sucked.</i>” </p><p>“It’s alright,” Souji said in a low, soothing voice Yosuke had previously thought was reserved for Nanako. “You’ll never be a burden to me. You know, I…” Souji cut himself off and relaxed his grip on Yosuke, like he was afraid Yosuke was going to shatter. “I… really like you. So, um. It’s. Not a problem or anything. You relying on me, I mean. Um.”</p><p>Souji was babbling, and Yosuke thought it was the most precious thing in the entire world. Or, he would, if he had the mental energy to spare, considering he was very focused on not breaking down even further after that … confession? Was it? God, he hoped so.</p><p>“Me?” Yosuke barks out, voice cracking. He gently extracts himself from Souji’s grip to get a better look at his face, but his intention must have been misinterpreted, because the look of unbridled <i>fear</i> that crosses Souji’s was nothing short of heartbreaking. He hurries to take Souji’s hands in his, as embarrassing of a gesture it is, and Souji seems to relax a little at that. “You could have anyone in Inaba — hell, probably in Tokyo, too,” he sniffs, face still blotchy and red from his sobbing fit, “and you want me?” </p><p>Souji frowns at that, the face he makes when Yosuke was being self-deprecating. “I fell in love with Yosuke,” he says, “not anybody else. You’re the only one. You always will be.” </p><p>“Jeez, partner, when did you get so sappy?” Yosuke wipes a stray tear from his eye, not daring to take his eyes off Souji. Gorgeous, wonderful, amazing Souji, was in love with <i>him</i>. And Yosuke loved him back, with every single fiber of his being. The mere thought was absolutely intoxicating. </p><p>Souji just smiled back at him, eyes half-lidded and full of love and adoration and really, now, had Souji always looked at him like that? </p><p>“Um,” Souji starts, suddenly shy again (something Yosuke thought was really cute, if ill-fitting). “Can I — is it okay if I kiss you?” </p><p>Yosuke can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it. Why would he ever say no? “God, yes. Of course you can, partner.” Souji beams at him, a rare sight he wishes he had more time to take in because wow, Souji’s leaning in already, pulling up a hand to cradle Yosuke’s cheek oh so gently.</p><p>It’s everything Yosuke's ever dreamed of and more. Their noses bump and their teeth clack together a little at first, a testament to just how badly both of them wanted this, but eventually Yosuke just lets himself melt into the feeling, leaning into the touch. Yosuke lets a hand travel up to Souji’s hair, every bit as soft as he’d imagined, and when he toys with the strands of hair Souji practically <i>purrs</i> with delight. Yosuke smiles against his lips. He hopes he’ll never get tired of that sound.</p><p>Yosuke’s the first to break for breath, though Souji tries to chase his lips before he pulls back himself. He presses their foreheads together, both speechless and catching their breath. </p><p>In lieu of words, Yosuke just throws his arms around Souji, presses another quick peck to his lips and pulls him down onto the bed, laughing all the while.</p><p>Souji nuzzles against him and tries to go in for another kiss, but Yosuke stops him. “Partner, as much as I’d love to stay up all night with you, I still have school tomorrow. I’m actually trying to be a good student, you know.” Souji just grumbles and snuggles closer. </p><p>“Mm. Skip,” Souji whines, and his pouting gives Teddie a run for his money. Yosuke shakes his head, ruffling Souji’s hair. </p><p>“We‘ll see.”</p><p>They could work out all the particulars tomorrow morning, but for now, it was just him, Souji, and the moon, and Yosuke couldn’t ask for anything more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi !!!! i’d been working on this for a little while, but this’ll probably be my only upload for souyo week i am tired.. had to upload for my boy’s bday tho</p><p>this fic ended up a lot longer than i originally anticipated, but i hope you all enjoyed regardless &lt;3</p><p>you can find me on twitter at @yunarukaml all i post about is p4</p></blockquote></div></div>
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